Oof.

We had our midpoint weigh-in tonight, meaning we’ve been at it three weeks and have three more weeks to go. I was so excited as I’ve been feeling well, my clothes are fitting differently and I felt like I’ve been doing really well. I was sure I’d be at least halfway to my (or, the challenge’s) goal of 6% body fat lost in six weeks.

I lost 1% body fat.

Normally I wouldn’t be disappointed about that at all. I lost body fat! And I’ve lost over five pounds. But if I’ve lost 1% body fat, that means I need to lose another 5% in the next three weeks in order to get my $500 back.

Also, with the weight I’ve lost and the adjusted body fat percentage, that means I’ve lost 5.2 lbs, of which 3.3 lbs has been fat and 1.9 lbs has been muscle. Three weeks of intense HIIT workouts to lose 1.9 lbs of muscle. I could cry (actually I’ve been crying most of the evening).

This feels awful. I feel the danger here of falling into a disordered eating trap (I’m still confident I won’t as I’m pretty well set up in that regard), and I also feel like I’ve already lost the $500… so why even bother with the rest of the challenge?

Truthfully I don’t even have that $500 to lose. I took it from a spot I should not have. I was just so determined that I could follow the plan and give it my all, and I’ve done just that. Why should I be penalized for the plan not working to the organizer’s own requirement?

I do like her and I think her gym is good, for workouts. But if I lose my $500 I will most definitely be posting everywhere possible online about this challenge. And yes, if that happens I’ll be editing these posts to give the name of the business and trainer.

Tonight I feel like a failure at everything and have lost all motivation to do anything… exercise… meal prep… write… Ugh.