The Triad Book!

This is where all my energy is going right now: I’m hard at work researching my book, interviewing triads and people who have been in a triad that has broken up; I’m reading all the books ever written about polyamory and love triangles; and I’m very busy connecting with triads and polyamorous folk on Instagram and Twitter. Continue reading

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Do You Wanna Be a Third?

I’ve wanted to be in a triad for a long time. Justan and I talked years ago, in 2001 or so, about how cool it would be to have a girlfriend and all three of us live together… but that was a crazy dream, right? Over the years I dated other girls and sometimes Justan dated them with me, but we never thought that three people could fall in love! Well, then one day three of us did fall in love. That changed things.

We then went on to be polyamorous in that we dated other people, for a few years. During this time we learned a lot. We learned a lot about treating people with compassion and respect, and about how some of our early language and perceptions in polyamory had made our other loves out to be more like objects and less like… well, people. Things like veto power, and hierarchical language.

By the time I started dating Andi, I was very conscious of the way I framed my own perceptions — of her rights to speak up, ask for what she needs and wants out of a relationship, and not be second place to anyone unless *she* wants to. Continue reading

Response: Life as a Long-term Polyamorist

I wanted to give a quick shout-out to Elizabeth Weiss, who wrote “He’s Not My Husband, He’s Her Husband, But We All Really Want a Loan Together”: Life as a Long-term Polyamorist for the always-awesome Offbeat Home (you may have read the piece on the lesbian triad wedding on their sister site, Offbeat Bride a couple of years ago).

One issue that we triads run into is the fact that it’s fairly difficult to find real-life examples of successful relationships that are structured like our own. Continue reading