Five Years

Five years.

Five years since my dream girl with the unreal green eyes agreed to kiss a married woman, if that woman was me. Five years since we were so awkward together for two weeks until we finally kiss & came out with our feelings.

What an amazing thing, to find out that the thing you’ve been hoping, wishing, praying for, for so long — she’s been hoping and wishing and praying for, too.

How incredibly lucky to find out that the flirting wasn’t all in your head. To learn that she loves you back.

Nights in the kitchen learning our own language, laughing so hard we’re rolling on the floor.

And then in bed, holding her tight as my baby spoon, aware that I’ll lose her when she finds her forever.

I was so angry when he stepped in, inserted himself, appeared, to interfere.

So angry. I cried every day for a month when they told me they both wanted to try for a triad.

To me this meant I would lose them both, and how could I survive losing them both when I couldn’t imagine life without both of them?

She said she wondered if this was a way we could actually last, long-term.

He said he felt like this was the right thing to do.

I’ve always trusted his “feelings,” right from day one, when he asked me to move to Vancouver to live with him.

I laughed in his face and said, “That’ll be awkward when we break up,” and he said, “I have a feeling we won’t.” And something made me trust him.

I don’t know if he was right or if he’s just stubborn, but I don’t think we’re going to break up.

When he said he felt like the triad was the right thing to do, I wanted to punch him right in his face. But I also knew I could hold him to that.

I don’t know if we’re all stubborn, or if we really are right together. Maybe a combination of both.

When Andi and I had been together about two months — the first time the three of us hung out together — she joked that she could commit to me for ten years. Seizing the opportunity, I told her I was holding her to it.

We’re halfway there.

 

 

(Oh yeah, I’m writing a book about triads. You can find out more about that here.)

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Bird Spirit Guide: Waxwings

This is the long-awaited second post in my Birds as Spirit Guides series. The first was about the Brown Creeper.

Image from whatbird.com, my favourite online bird identification tool. Check it out!

Yesterday, on my run, I saw a museum of waxwings (Bohemian, I think) in a tree while I was out running in the Weaselhead, a beautiful natural area here in Calgary. That’s right, a group of Waxwings is called a “museum” or an “earfull” but given that these birds were completely silent, I’m using the former here.

I don’t know much about waxwings aside from the fact that they’re gorgeous to look at (I’m sure my mom has taught me much more about them that I’ve subsequently forgotten), but this appearance seemed auspicious and I felt they would be a great next instalment in this series.

Well, I was not disappointed. The really wonderful thing about these birds is their social structure and practices. No matter where you read about waxwings, one thing that is sure to be mentioned is their deeply ingrained sharing customs. From an early age, they begin practicing sharing with one another. They eat mainly red berries and they love to pass them on. I read one account that said sometimes a group of the birds will sit lined up, the first one with a berry in its beak, and it will pass that berry to the next bird, who will pass it to the next, and so on to the end of the line. Their mating ritual also involves the male passing a berry to the female, her passing it back to him, and so on until she finally accepts it. From this, I would suggest that if you see a waxwing (or a museum of them!), it may be a reminder to give selflessly and not to hoard what you are fortunate enough to have.

Judy at Angels and Ancestors (who, it looks like, is also in Calgary!), writes that, “Waxwing teaches lessons around going beyond the physical demands of the body (food and shelter needs found in the base chakra) and speaks to the joy of belonging, for they belong in flocks and pairs (which is what the second and third chakras, orange and yellow in color are about), and Waxwing sings of the sweetness of life.” 

I also love that numerous entries made mention of their gender equality, with the males and females being very similar in size, with the same plumage, and sharing feeding of their young.

One very funny fact about Waxwings is that sometimes they will eat fermented berries, get drunk, and lose the ability to fly for a while. They have a reputation as party birds!

Seeing the waxwings has reminded me to reflect on my family — both blood, and chosen — and to remember to be grateful for all the amazing people in my life. I can take a look at whether I am sharing and giving without expectation. And while I may sometimes choose to take this sighting as a reminder to lighten up and have some fun, I think I spent a bit too much time on social pursuits last week, so I’m actually taking this as a reminder to slow down and not eat so many fermented berries that it prevents me from flying!

Welcome to Adulting Camp: Which Side Are You On?

“Like a Boss” vs. “Adulting is Hard”: Life in the Modern World

If you believe social media, which you’ll say you don’t but you and I both know that you spend at least three hours a day on there so who are you kidding, how could you not internalize it all?, you likely fall into one of two camps.

The first is Camp Type “A,” where campers frequently shout “Like a boss!!” while fist pumping; live life by bullet journals or tidily organized To Do lists; and probably stay up all night drinking caffeinated gin while sewing their kid’s school play costume with one hand, freelancing with the other and, if they’re really good, having an orgasm at the same time.

The second is Camp Adulting is Hard, and their motto is “Nope.” They’re uncomfortably honest about their failing relationship, the fact that they have literally never gotten their kid to school on time, how early in the day they open the wine bottle, and how disgusting their bathroom is. Continue reading

The Triad Book!

This is where all my energy is going right now: I’m hard at work researching my book, interviewing triads and people who have been in a triad that has broken up; I’m reading all the books ever written about polyamory and love triangles; and I’m very busy connecting with triads and polyamorous folk on Instagram and Twitter. Continue reading

The Simple Joy of Going for a Walk

Here’s a value I’d like to instil in the kids: the simple but unfailing joy of going for a walk screen-shot-2017-02-24-at-11-38-18-pmoutside.

It seems overly simplistic, overly optimistic, easy to brush away as pointless. I know this because unless I’ve gone for a walk recently, I forget just how important it is. But I’m glad that I do know, that my parents valued (and still value) “going for a walk” as a worthwhile pastime and that they passed that value down to me. Continue reading

20 Tips for Resisting Totalitarianism

Back in November, Timothy Snyder, Housum Professor of History at Yale University and a permanent fellow at the Institute for Human Sciences in Vienna shared the following advice for resisting totalitarianism.

It’s an important reminder than we are no better, wiser nor more powerful than those citizens who have found themselves under totalitarian regimes including fascism, Nazism and communism in the past. I wanted to share it here on my blog as I feel it is incredibly important information for all of us, around the world. Continue reading

10 Things That Happen When You Become a Hen Mum (or Dad)

  1. Suddenly, watching chickens is better than watching TV. Seriously, you never imagined they could be this amusing! How can a seemingly dumb bird have so much personality?screen-shot-2016-09-28-at-7-20-41-pm
  2. You find yourself describing to friends how a chicken CAN be cuddly. Especially if you’ve raised them right from the beginning. Even with the claws and the beak, a docile hen can be really nice to hold.
  3. You can no longer order eggs at restaurants. No eggs can ever taste as good as the eggs laid by your backyard chickens. Turns out grass-fed really is better!screen-shot-2016-09-28-at-7-36-42-pm
  4. You like eggs a lot more than you used to. Sure, eggs are okay. But the eggs out of your own backyard… you want to find a way to eat them at every meal.
  5. You know the difference between a silkie, an araucana, a faverolle and a wyandotte. And you’re always researching online to find out which breeds you want to add to your collection.

    screen-shot-2016-09-28-at-7-31-15-pm

    Spot the Silver-Grey Dorking, the Araucanas and the Dominiques!

  6. All the girls get chicken-pun names. Princess Laya. Heidi Plume. Bok Bok Choy. (For more funny chicken names, check out this list from hobbyfarms.com.)
  7. You put up a fence around the garden. Either that or you curse your hens for decimating all the greens. Including the beets, which they killed by eating the tops.
  8. You know which foods they like best and which are the most amusing to watch them eat. (My top picks: strawberries and pepper tops with the seeds still attached for their pleasure; spaghetti or popcorn for your own viewing pleasure.)

    ...but you draw the line at letting them eat right out of the kitchen...

    …but you draw the line at letting them eat right out of the kitchen…

  9. You wonder how chickens could be illegal in some cities while dogs are always legal. Your chicken coop smells a lot better than the dog poop in your neighbour’s backyard during spring thaw. And your chickens are quieter than the dog down the street that barks at every passerby!
  10. You can trade free run eggs for almost anything.screen-shot-2016-09-28-at-7-24-08-pm