Five Years

Five years.

Five years since my dream girl with the unreal green eyes agreed to kiss a married woman, if that woman was me. Five years since we were so awkward together for two weeks until we finally kiss & came out with our feelings.

What an amazing thing, to find out that the thing you’ve been hoping, wishing, praying for, for so long — she’s been hoping and wishing and praying for, too.

How incredibly lucky to find out that the flirting wasn’t all in your head. To learn that she loves you back.

Nights in the kitchen learning our own language, laughing so hard we’re rolling on the floor.

And then in bed, holding her tight as my baby spoon, aware that I’ll lose her when she finds her forever.

I was so angry when he stepped in, inserted himself, appeared, to interfere.

So angry. I cried every day for a month when they told me they both wanted to try for a triad.

To me this meant I would lose them both, and how could I survive losing them both when I couldn’t imagine life without both of them?

She said she wondered if this was a way we could actually last, long-term.

He said he felt like this was the right thing to do.

I’ve always trusted his “feelings,” right from day one, when he asked me to move to Vancouver to live with him.

I laughed in his face and said, “That’ll be awkward when we break up,” and he said, “I have a feeling we won’t.” And something made me trust him.

I don’t know if he was right or if he’s just stubborn, but I don’t think we’re going to break up.

When he said he felt like the triad was the right thing to do, I wanted to punch him right in his face. But I also knew I could hold him to that.

I don’t know if we’re all stubborn, or if we really are right together. Maybe a combination of both.

When Andi and I had been together about two months — the first time the three of us hung out together — she joked that she could commit to me for ten years. Seizing the opportunity, I told her I was holding her to it.

We’re halfway there.

 

 

(Oh yeah, I’m writing a book about triads. You can find out more about that here.)

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