All right, so we got the plan. It consists of two simple parts: diet and exercise. That’s fine. Keep it simple!

For exercise, we must do at least three workouts per week at Deb’s gym. These are HIIT, bootcamp or cardio drumming (fun!) classes… but, weirdly, the HIIT classes are 45 minutes long. I would expect them to be 20-30 minutes long. We have our first HIIT class tonight, so I’ll report back on that. There is a 30 minute HIIT option on the schedule but it’s for people on their lunch break.

At least I hope I’ll be able to do plyometric workouts at home after this. I’ve been hesitant because I felt I needed to build up to them as my strength isn’t stellar currently, but I’ve never gotten around to making a plan to do so.

We can also do a fourth workout at her gym at no charge, which we will definitely be doing because dammit, we are getting our money back.

(Ha, have I set up a completely unhealthy dynamic here yet? Yeah. I know. At this point I’m fancying myself as a Morgan Spurlock-type character, sacrificing my body to research for the sake of curiosity.)

Deb also encourages us to do two to three more workouts on our “off” days, for a total of six workouts each week. The other day is a rest day. This matches what I was hoping to do, with running, hiking, swimming or yoga on the “off” days and a walk or gentle yoga class on our actual rest day.

Now. The meal plan. This is not what I had hoped. I hadn’t been too worried because I knew it would be high protein and beyond that I expected it to meet fairly regulation nutritional guidelines. But no.

Now, I feel like I could get in trouble for like, sharing a photo of the plan or something (it seems to be “proprietary info”) but simply put, it’s a diet for people training to be in body competitions. Body building… bikini body… that sort of thing. You know — egg whites and spinach.

What I get to eat in a day is:

Breakfast: “1 serving” of protein (6 egg whites; 1.5 cups of fat-free, unsweetened Greek yogurt; or any of the other allowable proteins like lean meats, cottage cheese or protein powder); 1 carb (which she translates to half a piece of fruit; 3/4 cup berries, 1/2 cup of rice or quinoa etc, 3/4 cup sweet potato or a few other options); 1 veg (not allowed? Peas, carrots, corn, squash (sob), zucchini, eggplant, pumpkin, beets).

Lunch: Same

Dinner: 1 protein, 1 veg

The proteins include 6 oz of chicken breast, lean turkey breast, pork tenderloin, 96% lean ground beef, white fish like cod or tilapia, and bison burgers.

Oh, and two snacks per day, which are, specifically, protein shakes. This trainer sells protein shakes of a specific brand. We did not buy those (although I’m sure they’re fine). I bought some vegan vanilla protein powder at Costco. Mmm, artificial sweeteners!

When I first looked at the plan I thought, No big deal, I can do this. I’ve been on a partial elimination diet for a few weeks to figure out some food sensitivities and I’ve done the candida cleanse a couple times before, so I’ve become fairly comfortable with working within strict parameters and making the best of it.

Then we went shopping at Costco.

Then we came home and had dinner. And I realized that there were no nuts or seeds on the list. No avocado. Not even one drop of oil for six weeks. I started to feel very skeptical.

In my next post, I’ll go over day one, and what I’ve already decided about this meal plan… and how I’m going to handle the next six weeks without forfeiting my money.