So, last week was bleak. Facing the reality of losing my $500 set off my anxiety, badly. My sleep has suffered ever since, with me either lying awake half the night or waking up an hour or two early and feeling incredibly anxious and panicky. I’ve had a handful of near panic attacks thinking about the money, something I haven’t had more than a couple of times in the past two years.

Maybe because of this, maybe because of my period, I have also been feeling pretty crappy about myself. I have lost weight and inches, my resting heart rate has dropped and my blood pressure has improved but I look in the mirror and see the same body I saw before I started the challenge.

Not to say I don’t like that body… I almost always like my body (especially naked). But I don’t see anything different about it (anymore — before the mid-point weigh-in, I really did).

And I am starting to see some of the disordered thinking creeping in. I’ve mentioned before that I am pretty confident in my ability to resist this, and I still am. But my god, I can see this being so harmful to so many people who were/are at risk or have a history of disordered eating or working out or any sort of body dysmorphia.

(BTW, as I write this I am *cheating* with my second cheat apple of the day and also a cheat dish of two tbsp of nut/seed butter because goddamn if I ain’t starving and I’m too grouchy to sit here and suffer any more.)

For one thing, I’ve started to notice myself judging other people’s bodies. Thoughts like, “Wow, he must be so unhappy with himself, how sad.” OMG!! I don’t think that way! What is happening!

I also find myself feeling anxious when I think about ending this diet and going back to regular eating, because I’m worried about eating the “wrong” things. Again — I don’t think this way! I know I’ll overcome it easily as I have a solid foundation in healthy eating and thinking but it’s disturbing to feel this creeping in. Also it doesn’t feel good.

AND ANOTHER THING! Today and tonight I am hungry! And I’m so damn bored with eating chicken breasts! And I don’t want to meal prep!

I just want to eat an avocado and some almonds and some salmon. <sob>

Annnnnnyway. I met with the trainer last week after my disastrous weigh-in (READ: only disastrous relative to the goal SHE SET FOR ME — by my own goals and standards, I’m doing great! I’m getting stronger! My heart rate is dropping!). She confirmed that I have been following the plan *perfectly.* She even looked at my food log app and couldn’t find one thing wrong. She had no suggestions aside from that I should start drinking a gallon (AN IMPERIAL GALLON) of water each day. That’s 19 cups. Which I’ve been doing, no problem actually, and haven’t seen any difference.

So how’s that for a negative post? Haha. I’m just bein’ honest. Only nine days left! I don’t know if I’ll make it through tomorrow eating like this. I AM SO BORED!

We’ll see how my final body fat measurement goes… as that’s the only metric that matters for the challenge. I will post my overall results as well next weekend or the last week in November. Just wish me luck sitting with this anxiety until then. It’s unpleasant.

So, I asked the trainer on the night of the first day about the diet — the super low calories, the lack of fat… should I be concerned? She kind of brushed me off but also said that I need to trust her. Which, I guess was a pretty good thing to say. Although if this harms me I’ll be talking about it all over so hopefully she’s confident.

Even better would have been if she had given me some actual information on just how super-low-fat could be safe for six weeks, or super-low-calorie for that matter. She’s not a dietician… this is a standardized Herbalife plan.

In the end I have decided to take it day by day and see how I feel, and add a serving of healthy fat if/when I feel I need it. So far I have done that once, on Day Two. I woke up with a headache, feeling faint and dizzy, and nauseated. I felt that way until about noon. I had a sort of healthy treat in the fridge at work — one of these Snickaroos by Little Tucker — and I decided to eat that in the afternoon. PS. My calories and fat still came in super low.

In general, I’ve been coming in around 700-900 net calories per day (uh… what?) and working out almost every day. I did workouts at the gym where the challenge is four days this week, went for a run one day and then on my rest day I did a restorative yoga class. The other day was the day we started, when I did not work out.

Weirdly, though, I have been feeling just fine. Not necessarily better than usual, but no worse. I haven’t lost my ability to focus, I haven’t felt hungry or faint, and I haven’t had any terrible cravings or anything. And, I’m feeling motivated to move and be healthy, so that’s a plus.

What Have I Been Eating?

Splitting up the portions to create different meal and snack options has been key. I split the huge protein requirement for breakfast and usually have egg whites with veggies and cottage cheese all cooked up together, and then some yogurt with berries, stevia, vanilla, cinnamon and a bit of vanilla protein powder sprinkled on top (I tried mixing a bunch in but that was gross and gritty). Some days I save some berries (which count as a carb) and blend them up with my first protein shake for a different taste. On the days when I’m sick of that breakfast I have some chicken or turkey, whatever leftover veggies we have and half an apple.

Lunches have mostly been spinach salad with meat on top and some rice or quinoa, but I’ve also had rice and beans with ground beef on the side. The veggies are not hard for me at lunch as I generally just roast something yummy like broccoli. Lettuce wraps with whichever meat I have on hand, and fresh salsa have also been great.

Dinners are just a protein and a veggie so that’s usually pretty simple with just whatever meat and veggie I can come up with, cooked very simply.

Results, Week 1

Well, I’m sore, I can tell you that. Arnica cream, epsom salt baths and wintergreen essential oil have been my very good (and surprisingly effective) friends.

One thing that surprised me was that when I went for a run on Thursday afternoon, it felt pretty good. I told myself to just try, and go as far as I could, knowing that I likely wouldn’t make it far since I was so sore. But then it felt pretty easy and I just went the full 4 km! I mean, I walk for a minute every kilometre because I am admittedly out of shape but still. I was happy it felt good.

I ended up losing two pounds this week. I wish I knew if I have lost any body fat. I swear my butt feels harder already though.

Ah, here we are. The first official day of this six week challenge. It helps to think of it as SIX. Six weeks. That’s not so much. One week at a time. One day at a time.

I don’t mean to be dramatic. At 5 pm, I’m feeling pretty okay. I know I’ll make it through somehow, but I am becoming less and less impressed with this eating plan.

Frankly, it’s dumb.

No oils or fats for six weeks? Note to self — research the effects of short term fat restriction on brain function. Will I become anxious? Will it affect my sleep? Will I be able to focus at work? If not, I’ll be adding a tablespoon of hemp seeds to my non-fat (blergh) yogurt.

Okay so when she showed us the plan, I immediately commented that I would not do well without fats. Obviously there is a bit of fat in lean meats, but it’s looking like my Day One macros will come in at 5% fat.

Yeah, that’s too low. I normally eat about 30% per day fat (haha, that matches my body! Oops!) and I’m happy with that. That means nuts, seeds, avocados, cheese… all the good stuff. This is actually pretty integral to my health IMO.

Also, because I could tell that this would be very low calorie, I decided to track everything in My Fitness Pal.

Hoo boy. I put all my meals and the protein shakes for day one into the app and before any calorie burn, it totalled around 1100 calories.

Oh, oh boy. When I want to lose a little weight, I aim for 1700-1800 NET calories, as in after I account for workouts. That means I eat about 2200 calories and then my workout is subtracted from that. And I lose weight that way. Eating just over 1000 calories per day and doing 45 minute HIIT workouts could potentially put my health at risk.

So, this is where we’re at now. I am following the plan to the letter for today and then reassessing. I will likely add some vegetables because this is coming out to about 4-5 servings of produce for the entire day which is just sad considering that’s one of the only things I can eat.

How did today go?

I will definitely be tweaking the layout of the meal plan a bit, splitting servings and moving them around a little. A cup and a half of plain yogurt or 6 egg whites at breakfast is just… ew. No thanks. I don’t care how good you are with food, there’s no saving that.

And protein shakes? So, that’s not something I’ve ever consumed. I do prefer vegetables, nuts, seeds, cheese, beans… I had one on the way to the bus today and yuck. Not the best.

My meals today were (keep in mind I split the servings and moved them around): at 9 am, 1 tbsp of apple cider vinegar in a cup of water followed by 1/4 of an apple (that’s ludicrous… seriously) with a big mug of unsweetened licorice tea; at 10 am, 3/4 cup egg whites from a carton, scrambled with cajun seasoning… but I added too much and it was salty so not only were these SCRAMBLED EGG WHITES (gross), they were too salty with 1 cup of broiled broccoli (seasoned with ACV, soy sauce, garlic and crushed chilies); at 11:30 am, a protein shake, blech; at 2 pm, 1/2 cup quinoa, 6 oz chicken breast, 1/2 cup spinach, 6 cherry tomatoes, chopped peppers, all topped with sea salt and lemon juice and soy sauce — this was good; and dinner was haddock, baked with seasoning on top, and a spinach salad with lemon juice. Not the best, but not the absolute worst.

Also had my first 45 minute HIIT circuit workout. It was definitely hard, but no harder than I expected it to be. Lots of skipping, jump squats, throwing a medicine ball on the ground… I had to stop quite a bit but I look forward to when these moves get easier.

Successes & Tweaks

Today I printed off two calendar pages to cover the six weeks. I numbered today Day 1, and counted up from there on each day until final weigh-in (November 24). Then I counted from 0 back up moving backwards from the final weigh-in so I can see how many days I have left. I can use this calendar to cross off each day as I survive them, and make notes of interest such as net calories, noteworthy things like mishaps or workouts, and my weight.

Also, I’ll be adding plain cocoa to my shakes tomorrow.

All right, so we got the plan. It consists of two simple parts: diet and exercise. That’s fine. Keep it simple!

For exercise, we must do at least three workouts per week at Deb’s gym. These are HIIT, bootcamp or cardio drumming (fun!) classes… but, weirdly, the HIIT classes are 45 minutes long. I would expect them to be 20-30 minutes long. We have our first HIIT class tonight, so I’ll report back on that. There is a 30 minute HIIT option on the schedule but it’s for people on their lunch break.

At least I hope I’ll be able to do plyometric workouts at home after this. I’ve been hesitant because I felt I needed to build up to them as my strength isn’t stellar currently, but I’ve never gotten around to making a plan to do so.

We can also do a fourth workout at her gym at no charge, which we will definitely be doing because dammit, we are getting our money back.

(Ha, have I set up a completely unhealthy dynamic here yet? Yeah. I know. At this point I’m fancying myself as a Morgan Spurlock-type character, sacrificing my body to research for the sake of curiosity.)

Deb also encourages us to do two to three more workouts on our “off” days, for a total of six workouts each week. The other day is a rest day. This matches what I was hoping to do, with running, hiking, swimming or yoga on the “off” days and a walk or gentle yoga class on our actual rest day.

Now. The meal plan. This is not what I had hoped. I hadn’t been too worried because I knew it would be high protein and beyond that I expected it to meet fairly regulation nutritional guidelines. But no.

Now, I feel like I could get in trouble for like, sharing a photo of the plan or something (it seems to be “proprietary info”) but simply put, it’s a diet for people training to be in body competitions. Body building… bikini body… that sort of thing. You know — egg whites and spinach.

What I get to eat in a day is:

Breakfast: “1 serving” of protein (6 egg whites; 1.5 cups of fat-free, unsweetened Greek yogurt; or any of the other allowable proteins like lean meats, cottage cheese or protein powder); 1 carb (which she translates to half a piece of fruit; 3/4 cup berries, 1/2 cup of rice or quinoa etc, 3/4 cup sweet potato or a few other options); 1 veg (not allowed? Peas, carrots, corn, squash (sob), zucchini, eggplant, pumpkin, beets).

Lunch: Same

Dinner: 1 protein, 1 veg

The proteins include 6 oz of chicken breast, lean turkey breast, pork tenderloin, 96% lean ground beef, white fish like cod or tilapia, and bison burgers.

Oh, and two snacks per day, which are, specifically, protein shakes. This trainer sells protein shakes of a specific brand. We did not buy those (although I’m sure they’re fine). I bought some vegan vanilla protein powder at Costco. Mmm, artificial sweeteners!

When I first looked at the plan I thought, No big deal, I can do this. I’ve been on a partial elimination diet for a few weeks to figure out some food sensitivities and I’ve done the candida cleanse a couple times before, so I’ve become fairly comfortable with working within strict parameters and making the best of it.

Then we went shopping at Costco.

Then we came home and had dinner. And I realized that there were no nuts or seeds on the list. No avocado. Not even one drop of oil for six weeks. I started to feel very skeptical.

In my next post, I’ll go over day one, and what I’ve already decided about this meal plan… and how I’m going to handle the next six weeks without forfeiting my money.

When the “free fitness challenge” from a local trainer popped up on Facebook, it piqued our interest immediately. Of course we knew it wouldn’t be without a catch, but the description explained that the reason she could do it for free was for the internet reviews, the use of your before and after photos and because it worked great as marketing and a lot of people choose to stay on at the gym afterward.

Andi (my partner) and I have both always been interested in fitness and nutrition, and neither of us has been really happy with our health or fitness for a few years now. The cumulative effects of stress, lack of sleep, enjoying our wine and of course, not always eating really nutrient dense foods (or, ahem, chicken nuggets for days when needed to survive).

Because Andi has an athletic background (in roller derby and kickboxing) and I’ve been fascinated by nutrition and fitness for years, we felt pretty well equipped to determine whether this challenge would be a good fit for us, so we booked a consultation.

So here’s the deal. You pay a $500 deposit. If you meet the goals set out by the trainer, at the end of six weeks you get all your money back. If you do not, she keeps your $500 but will put it toward a membership or classes at the gym.

Neither of us has $500 to lose (not even close). But we did our research and weighed the risks and decided to go for it. We both know that our body type responds well to exercise and we could likely meet the goals fairly easily, and we looked forward to the kick in the butt to hopefully get fired up about being active and fit again, finally.

Here are the goals you have to meet to get your money back:

1. Attend 3-4 workouts per week at her gym.
2. Write two online reviews upon completion of the program.
3. Let her use your before and after photos.
4. Lose 6% of your body fat in the six weeks.

Uh… that last one though? We felt confident about the rest as those are within our control, but the last one depends on how good her plan is.

After deliberating for a few days and doing a lot of digging online to figure out whether 6% body fat loss in six weeks was even possible or advisable, we decided to go ahead with it (with the caveat that I would not commit if I came in at less than 27% body fat to start, as I don’t want to go below 20% and felt I’d be less likely to have success with the challenge if I started out lower than 27%).

Well, I came out at 30.3% body fat, so I was safe in that regard. Overall my health metrics are pretty decent: a visceral fat rating of 4 (fairly healthy, could be better), metabolic age of 35 and a resting heart rate of about 56 beats per minute. I’ll also be checking my blood pressure to start as well as some metrics like squats per minute, max pushups, balance and flexibility measurements and my average pace per kilometre when I run. All of this will allow me to see the results from this challenge.

Tune in to the next post to see just what Deb (our trainer) has prescribed for exercise and a meal plan! I’m going to be picking this a part a bit day by day, as I have to say I was a little shocked at the meal plan in particular.